Adventures in potty training

Author: daddy download BY JIM VAN SLYKE

My wife and I are about to set out on a magical journey that will probably involve a bit of crying, a lot of cheering, plenty of high fives and the occasional fist bump. We have agreed to take this mission because it seems like the right time and because we know we can handle it. While it isn't as terrifying as jumping out of an airplane, it scares us enough that we have secret huddles about it on a daily basis. We know it will involve a lot of hanging out in the bathroom at home, madcap dashes to the closest public bathrooms when we're out and hourly updates of our youngest child's urinary habits.

Yes, I'm talking about potty training. It's the biggest hurdle in every parent's life once their child has mastered eating, drinking, walking, sleeping and not sticking their finger in an electric socket. It is inevitable, unless as a parent you don't mind your child being ostracized in every social situation possible after the age of 3.

All parents attempt to convince their kids that the toilet is a better option than wearing a diaper, not because we look forward to the trial of teaching them to pee in a bowl, but because we are tired of changing diapers. Not all of children succeed, at least at first, but eventually most kids figure out that visiting the bathroom every few hours is a better option than having a stinky diaper.

My wife and I have done this before. After we read all the books, magazine articles, online posts and even skywriting about the best ways to potty train a young boy we gave it a whirl when we thought our oldest son was ready. We had the Elmo potty all set up, placed our son's favorite reading literature - the "Five Little Monkeys" series was a favorite - in the bathroom and prepared for an epic struggle worthy of Homer. We thought we were ready to make the move from diapers to pull-ups to regular ol' tight-whities.

We were, of course, greatly mistaken.

Looking back, it wasn't really that bad. At the time, though, it felt like we were dunking our hands in olive oil and then trying to grab a fish that was swimming in a raging river. We were rookies then and it showed. All the cajoling, pleading, bribing and threatening went in our oldest son's ear and out the other side with the speed of a bullet train.

But we knew we couldn't give up because the preschool we wanted him to attend wouldn't let him in the front door if he was still in a diaper. The teachers felt that changing diapers wasn't something they needed to do. Education, but not urination, was in their job description.

So my wife and I kept up the good fight, even though it felt like we weren't getting anywhere. Part of that was because it seemed like all of our friends who had kids the same age had better luck in getting their kids out of diapers. One of them even accomplished it - mostly - in a weekend.

My wife and I were dumbfounded by this until we realized all of the children who mastered the art of being diaperless were girls and that boys, as the stuff we read said, tended to be more challenging.

We actually didn't seem to be making any progress until one day, in all-too-rare flash of parenting genius, I simply thought like a child. Or to be more exact, a boy.

To that point, all of the potty training had taken place sitting down. We thought it was easier and we knew for sure it would be a lot less messy. But deep down, I think my son realized that he wasn't being allowed to achieve his full "boy-ness." After all, he knew that I didn't sit down to pee and, at least at that point, he wanted to do everything I did.

So I asked him one day - after getting my wife's permission, of course - if he wanted to try to pee while standing up. His eyes lit up, especially after I mentioned I would put toilet paper targets in the toilet water. Thankfully, he was tall for his age and could actually see the targets without using a stool.

My wife, smart lady that she is, stood out of sight with towels, our pressure washer and enough disinfectant to wipe down the entire Chesapeake Regional Medical Center. I think the Hazmat suit was a bit much, but she can be quite stubborn when she wants to be.

The good news is that success was nearly instantaneous. Because we had turned a bodily function into a game, it became fun. And, as we all know, fun is good when it comes to trying to get kids to do things they don't necessarily want to do.

So I feel better equipped to handle this next round of potty training. We have an additional weapon this time that we didn't have before. Since our youngest son idolizes his older brother we plan to play the "Your brother pees/poops in the toilet, don't you want to pee/poop in the toilet, too?" card quite a bit.

Eventually, all the pleading and trickery will work (fingers crossed) and our youngest will be able to enjoy running around the playground without a diaper slowing him down. He'll grow to appreciate the option of peeing while standing up and that guys have it much easier than ladies when having to pee outside.

As for my wife and I, it will be nice to be able to leave the house without a stocked diaper bag in tow. We also won't need to wonder if we have enough diapers in the house to make it to the next scheduled trip to the store or if we need to go on a midnight Pampers run.

It's time to get the Elmo potty out of storage and "Five Little Monkeys" series off the bookshelf. Let the journey begin.

Source: Tidewater Parent Magazine