Bad behavior in the car
My two boys recently have started acting very wild in the car. They have mock fights, hit the sides of the car door and stretch much of the way out of their seats, in addition to being quite loud. Obviously it is difficult to discipline them when I'm driving. I have tried pulling over to the side of the road, taking away treats (yesterday it was popcorn at the movies), yelling (unfortunately... I hate yelling) and threatening to not take them anywhere they want to go. But the latter especially isn't a very realistic solution, since we have to drive places. Last night, my husband had what he hopes will be a shock-them conversation about how many people get into car accidents, and even die, because drivers are distracted. We'll see if that helps. Anybody have other ideas on what we can do?
Out the window
One time when my mother was driving a group of Cub Scouts back from a trip to the zoo (I think it was the zoo; it's been a while) I took the hat of one of my fellow scouts and zipped it out the window. We were on the highway, but I still expected my mother to stop the car and retrieve the hat. She immediately said, "I'm not stopping the car for that and Jimmy you'll be buying him a new hat with your allowance." I was dumbfounded and while I'm sure I had minor fights with my sister in the car after the "hat incident" I always behaved when my mother shot the evil eye into the backseat via the rear-view mirror. My normally reserved Swedish heritage mother laid down the law that day and it scared the poop out of me.
thought you were a nice boy
Jimmy?? and here I thought you were such a nice guy. Good for your mom though! wow, sometimes I'm so hesitant to enforce consequences that really matter, like making kids pay for something instead of simply replacing it. But obviously those hard lessons (for mom and child) really stick. Thanks for sharing that, Michelle Galvez, Community Editor
pull over
I still remember my father threatening to "pull this car over ..." with an implied threat of something (never got to find out what thank goodness) when my brother and I, who could actually touch each other in the back of our regular car, would bother each other and distract and annoy him. I drive a mini van and my kids can't even reach one another and they still bother and annoy everyone. I found his words coming out of my mouth once (gasp, couldn't believe I sounded like my parents) and the kids ignored me. I feel like Charlie Brown's teacher sometimes, wha wha wha, so I got to a safe place, slammed on the brakes safely but dramatically and started unbuckling my seat belt ... the clammed up and I had their full and undivided shocked attention. I then explained the whole distraction talk mentioned above and they're so much better now. And if they slide I just have to say, "do you want me to pull over?"
Tried and true, old fashioned really does work best sometimes, Michelle Galvez, Community Editor
Driving Crazy
I did something similar. One time, soon after a bad incident in the car, we saw an accident soon after it happened and it was bad. I slowed down while passing (people were everywhere outside their cars). I pointed out the wreck cars including one on its side. I told my daughters that the accident probably happened because the driver got distracted (then explained the meaning of distracted). It helped. Every time we see a wreck, I point it out. About a six months after starting this, we happened upon an accident, and my then five-year-old daughter said "they probably got distracted."
Susan Smigielski Acker
Go back home. I haven't tried
Go back home. I haven't tried this technique but have read about experts who say that if you commit to this for 30 days (leaving wherever you are/whatever you are doing when the kids are bad), they will stop the bad behavoir by the end of the month. It sounds very difficult but if you've tried everything else it might be worth it. I did have a friend try it a few times and she said it worked for a while -- but she didn't keep at it for a month.
Kristen De Deyn Kirk
Editor, Mytidewatermoms.com
I agree with Kristen's idea.
I agree with Kristen's idea. The kids are just testing to see just how far they can go. Since there truly hasn't been a meaningful consequence, they will continue pushing the envelope. I'm interested in knowing how your husband's talk worked out.
The talk worked!
Update: my kids were very well behaved in the car yesterday, after my husband had the talk with them about the dangers of driving distracted. It didn't hurt that we saw two fender-bender accidents probably caused by the lingering snow and ice. Neither was bad, but both had multiple police cars at the scene so they looked dramatic. My kids were staring at them very wide-eyed. Hopefully the lesson will stick. It's funny Michelle, I also have used the "Do I have to pull over?" line that my dad used to yell out... although he'd do it AFTER pulling over, which once led my brother to say, "Apparently so" and then spend the rest of the day in his room.
Alison Johnson
Brave brother you have there,
Brave brother you have there, Alison! Thanks for the laugh. So glad to hear the "talk" worked.
Kristen De Deyn Kirk
Editor, Mytidewatermoms.com