Middle School, here we come
I've been feeling cocky lately. My kids like their teachers, are doing their homework on their own and getting pretty good grades. I correctly file the millions of papers they bring home, haven't yet forgotten to sign a permission slip, and they haven't run out of lunch money.
Finally, after five years of having one or more kids in elementary school, I'm on top of things.
I want this feeling to last forever! What can I do now to prepare my daughter and myself for middle school? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it's 11 months away, but I'm serious. Should she be learning new ways to study? Should we be talking about dealing with conflicts with friends? Do I need to talk to her in more detail about drugs? Drinking? Take a tour of the school? Meet the principal (poor guy/woman -- he/she is bound to grow to hate me and my phone calls/visits.)
Do I just need to chill?
Go with the flow...
...and it will all work out! This is my oldest's first year in middle school (and we moved in the middle of it, which made it doubly hard). Everything will change, but the routine will eventually settle in for your daughter. She will probably like the added independence of more classes, more choices, etc. if she's anything like my daughter.
I know that for us, we definitely talked (and still do) about how other friends' values and family rules might be different. (Not a bad idea to instill the idea that following the crowd doesn't lead anywhere new, either.) I also learned that you do have to step back a bit. For example, I have always been into volunteering at school and helping out, and I had to step back from that this year with her because she asked. I volunteer with my youngest child's school now instead!
It is quite a change, but a good one--before long you'll see your child bloom into an independent young person, and that's the ultimate reward!
planning is perfect
I agree with all the ideas, facebook research, cell phone (I was adamant against it and my middle schooler got one for Christmas, not for fun but for emergencies, she's after school a lot), and planners.
I'd say for planning though, you're right on. My perfectionist oldest child was a wreck in 5th grade anticipating 6th grade because she couldn't plan for something she couldn't imagine. We visited the school, talked to other middle schoolers at church, went to the orientation and mapped her route to classes, practiced with a lock (locker was THE biggest deal/worry she had), and read an American Girl book about middle school, another one about social situations and another one about friendships and talked about scenarios and reinforced our values.
I had to take big steps backward though, I still ask about and help with homework when she requests, but I'm not allowed to volunteer in the classroom or have lunch with her. I do stay in touch with her teachers via email and check the grades online daily. I also volunteer for school dances and she likes me there, even though I'm out in the commons selling pizza. I can't go this week and she's torn about whether or not to go.
Oh, and be prepared to fend off the onslaught of friends who don't share your family's values - middle school is a lot bigger and while we were able to really handpick friends and know their families in elementary school, I can hardly keep track of friends she talks about at middle school. Some are boy crazy, some text at 1 a.m., some want her to go to R rated movies with them ... communication at home is so vital on this!
Good luck, every phase is different and challenging, but you can get through it and enjoy it too! I love seeing the young woman she is becoming and I am so proud of her!
Michelle Galvez, Community Editor
Middle school minded!
I couldn't pass up the opportunity to offer up a little perspective. Studying and organization are a big part of middle school, but one of the biggest issues is social and personal growth and identity. This, of course, brings us to my favorite topic - technology.
Even a child who showed little interest in getting a cell phone or having a Facebook account may suddenly be desperate for these tech connections once school begins. While you can't anticipate every tech desire or situation, I would start to research and plan for these two particular issues.
Facebook: If you haven't already, get an account and begin to explore how this social network works. Find the parent information section and brush up on the safety guidelines. Recognize that the age requirement is 13 for this community - and I would suggest that kids wait until 13 to join. This sends an important message about following the rules of a community. Besides, most of your child's friends won't be there until they are 13 anyway.
Cell phone: If you haven't already, you might consider getting your child a cell phone. According to research, the average age for a first cell phone today is 12 - right around 6th grade for most kids. Research family plans, text plans, cell packages, and decide what kind of rules you'll make about the cell phone as your child starts out. Kids should contribute to the cost of the phone in some way, through chores or allowance contributions. Also, research kid-friendly phones and understand the parental controls available on many units today.
There will be other issues, too, but these are often the two biggest tech topics that come up in early middle school years. While it can be tempting to avoid them, a little research ahead of time will help you feel more confident and prepared when the issues arise.
Cheers,
Sharon
Sharon Miller Cindrich
The Plugged In Parent
www.pluggedinparent.com
As a middle-school teacher
As a middle-school teacher and mom of a 6th grader, my best advice would be to help them get ready for some independence. Middle school is a lot different than elementary school. The teachers expect the students to be responsible for themselves a lot more than they have to be in 5th grade. You can still keep tabs on your child, help with homework and know what's going on, but they're going to be on their own quite a bit more.
Agendas/planners are probably the best tools for your kids to use as they move on.
Mom to Ty (11)
Thank you for the good
Thank you for the good advice. Boy, letting go is hard. I still want to check the homework carefully and correct mistakes. I must step away. I'm grateful that my daughter's elementary school had her use an agenda -- I think she'll keep it going. What a great skill to have at such a young age.
Kristen De Deyn Kirk
Editor, Mytidewatermoms.com