Swim Coach Turns Swim Mom - Yikes!
I competed in swimming during my high school years at Booker T. Washington in Norfolk. I was fortunate to be asked back to coach my old team during my junior and senior years at Old Dominion University. That lead to me getting summer swim coaching jobs, in the early mornings, while starting my career at a newspaper reporter in South Georgia. I liked to refer to it as a paid hobby. Now my daughters, age 6 and 8, are on a summer swim team. Try as a might to fight it, I still am a coach inside. I told myself long ago I would not be one of those mothers who watches their kids practice and then talks the coaches' ears off. I had one of those moms when I coached. After speaking with the director of the YMCA where the team was based, we finally told her she could only talk to me once a week after practice. Nobody liked her. I try real hard not to be her. Probably not hard enough for our coaches' sake. During practice I not only want to watch and improve my kids, I want to coach the other kids as well. I thought I could find a spot for myself by becoming a stroke and turn judge at swim meets. That has helped, but because I am supposed to be impartial, I cannot cheer my kids. Too bad for me. I feel my face tense and smile as my daughters swim in a meet.
During practice I must sit with my back to the pool. I also a walk which I did this morning. I am used to walking in the morning, I have done so for years, but frankly, I would rather be poolside coaching the kids.
Anyone else out there feel this with their kids' sport? If so, I do you get over being a coach or expert in the field to just being a mom?
Susan Smigielski Acker, Community Editor
Focus on being a mom
I agree with Michelle. I actually did a story on parents who coach their children years back, and I interviewed kids who were in that situation (generally middle and high school age). All of them said that what they wanted most from their parents was basic support and encouragement; if they wanted advice outside practice, they said they would ask for it. You might tell your daughters about your swimming background (if you haven't already) and tell them that you're always there to give them pointers if they'd like. In fact, I wonder if you could tell the coach the same thing... offer your help at a "guest coaching" session or something that wouldn't be the same as constantly talking the coach's ear off like the parent you dealt with. Unless you notice something horribly wrong with their strokes, like a technique that could cause an injury, I'd keep it to yourself and just cheer your daughters for what they're doing well, which is always a good move as a parent, right? Meanwhile I will try to do the same at my son's basketball practices after years of playing that sport. Good luck!
Alison Johnson
Susan, let us know what you
Susan, let us know what you work out. I wish I had some advice for you but I haven't been in this situation. The only thing I know is that I would hate to not be able to cheer for my kids. I'm sort of torn about whether you should bite your tongue about correcting other kids' (and your daughters') strokes, too. If someone can make me better, I want to hear from them. I know not everyone is like that, but it seems like a shame that they can't benefit from your knowledge.
Kristen De Deyn Kirk
Editor, Mytidewatermoms.com
bite your tongue!
Susan, I agree it's hard - I swam in college and want to hover and advise over the instructor at my preschooler's swimming lessons, but there was a reason I paid someone else to teach him. Not because I'm not qualified, as a lifeguard and water safety instructor I taught plenty of kids to swim and coached the military base league. I signed him up for lessons because like at school, he's usually a good listener, doesn't argue or whine and does what he's told, with a qualified teacher who is not his mom more often than not. My husband has always played soccer and he's finding his advice from the sidelines or intense backyard practice sessions are not always appreciated by our daughters either. We just have to learn to bite our tongue and enjoy watching them participate on their own I think!
Michelle Galvez, Community Editor