Go Ahead, Lie

Author: Jim Van Slyke

I received my first lesson of parenting long before I was a parent. I didn't know it at the time, but what I learned is perhaps the most crucial tool all parents of young kids need to survive until their kids wise up - or at least think they wise up.

I was on a trip with my wife, although at this point in our lives we are a few years away from tying the knot. We were attending the baptism of one of my wife's friend's kids. I had no idea who was getting baptized that day, only that I was going to Frederick, Md., to witness a big day for a family I didn't really know.

My future wife and I arrived at the church early enough to find all the parents with young kids - including the parents of the soon-to-be baptized - struggling to keep their kids from turning the building into a war zone. Breakfast appeared to have been skipped or ignored - most likely because the kids wouldn't sit long enough for it - so one of the fathers was desperately trying to convince two preschool -aged girls that they should have a few bites of a nice blueberry muffin the church provided before the service started.

However, as children do, these two girls wanted nothing to do with the muffins and declared that they did not like blueberries. I think their exact words where, "I HATE blueberries more than anything in the world, including frogs!"

Without missing a beat, the fast-thinking dad said something that changed my life and, perhaps more importantly, got those girls to eat the blueberry muffins faster than you can say, "Father of the Year."

"Oh, those aren't blueberries," he said as he deftly slid the muffins onto their plates. "They're DINOSAUR berries."

Understandably, the idea of eating a dinosaur berry muffin isn't appealing to most adults. But if you have any experience with young children you probably know that if you attach the word "dinosaur" to anything kids will, literally in this case, eat it up.

This experience taught me two things. First of all, being creative and thinking on your feet is important to raising kids. A parent with those qualities will likely provide a more diverse and colorful world for their child to live in and be able to avoid a lot of potentially sticky situations.

Secondly, is that IT'S OK TO LIE TO OUR KIDS! Yes, that's right. While I thought honesty was the best policy, it appears that lying to our kids is not only a good idea, it can actually be good for them. That day I became aware that as a parent I would need to trick my future kids into doing a lot of things that were, in the long run, good for them.

I'm well aware that this idea is totally contrary to what we preach to our kids. I tell my 5-year-old over and over that the truth is important and that he'll get in less trouble if he doesn't lie to me. Meanwhile, just minutes later I may be telling him that he should eat his cereal because Iron Man likes to eat a good breakfast so that he has plenty of energy to fight Dr. Doom. Or that Captain America likes to take a nap every day to keep him sharp for when has to tackle Crimson Dynamo and needs extra energy.

Sadly, I'm not always good at it. My oldest son probably wouldn't take a nap even if Captain America really showed up in our living room and told him it was a good idea.

But the fabrications are, I think, justified. They also shouldn't have any long-lasting effects.I don't think my son will grow up to be a criminal because I once got him to wear his shoes outside by telling him I thought I saw an alligator in our backyard.

I also wouldn't lie to my kids about the big stuff. I think kids can handle things like death, money problems and the real reasons why they shouldn't talk to strangers. I'm happy to keep Captain America in my sons' worlds as long as they understand there are real villains - and real heroes for that matter - out there, too.

I'm sure my parents used a similar strategy to get me to eat my vegetables and drink my milk. We probably all bend - or sometimes break - the truth from time to time in order to get our kids to follow the path we want them to follow. That changes once they get a little order and they start to understand that Iron Man is not a real person and that Captain America doesn't give a hoot if kids take naps. By the time the trickery starts to wear off we hope that simply reasoning with our kids will work. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. But that shouldn't surprise anyone since we all know plenty of adults - including ourselves, let's be honest - who don't always do the reasonable thing. Otherwise, reality TV shows would be a lot less interesting.

So we lie to our kids because we love them. We could do a lot worse.

Source: Tidewater Parent Magazine